Why we need to feel like we matter

HOW TO FEEL LIKE YOU MATTER  Regardless of whether you are in the planning stage or are already feeling a bit lost at sea without a job or other former role that was crucial to your

identity, here are steps you can take to feel like you matter.  HELP OTHERS. Don’t just sit there and wait for the world to love you, says Isaac Prilleltensky, 64, a community psychologist

at the University of Miami, adding that if you’re feeling undervalued, ask yourself what you can do for other people.  “You have 100 percent control over 50 percent of the relationship —

and that’s your 50 percent,” he says. Of course, that equation also applies to toxic or otherwise unhealthy relationships. “If you feel like you’re trying hard to matter in the relationship,

but nothing works,” Prilleltensky says, “I think perhaps it’s time to leave that toxic relationship.” CHOOSE A COMMUNITY WHERE YOU MATTER. If you’re thinking about relocating

post-retirement, says Prilleltensky, author of _How People Matter: Why It Affects Health, Happiness, Love, Work, and Society_, don’t just consider the weather and cost of living. Also factor

in how you will be relevant in that community.  TAKE TIME FOR POSITIVE SELF-TALK. Build new neural pathways — road maps in the brain — for an extra boost of self-assuredness. “If you tell

yourself ‘_I don’t matter_,’ that is a negative belief,” says Darla Gale, a marriage and family therapist and founder of Darla Gale Counseling in Loomis, California. And if you keep

reinforcing that statement, “your go-to is going to be ‘_I don’t matter.’ _”  Instead, repeat statements to yourself, such as, “I am important,” “I have value” and “I have wisdom.”  TAKE

STOCK OF YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS. Gale recommends keeping in mind that a lifetime of wins and losses can be used for the greater good — and that matters. “Older adults forget they hold a wealth

of knowledge and experience with them … and one of the most important roles they play is passing down that knowledge and wisdom to younger generations through storytelling and sharing

experiences,” she says. LET OTHERS KNOW THEY MATTER TOO. People who feel like they matter show up to the world in positive ways, and in doing so, they unleash “the magic,” says Wallace. “If

you think something great about somebody, say it out loud to them,” she urges. “Be brave enough to do that. The fastest way to feel valued is to unlock someone else’s mattering.” “Once you

believe you matter, then you can attend to the rest of yourself,” says Elliott. “But until you get that settled, you’re in a quandary.” Video: 3 Tips to Help Strengthen Social Connections

for a Happier Life