How to avoid conflict when caring for an aging parent

3. MAKE ADJUSTMENTS If your loved one wants to do something that’s not realistic because of that person’s physical or cognitive limitations, “validate the person’s wishes but encourage

adjustments to maintain safety,” Preston says. That might mean taking a wheelchair or a scooter to the park rather than letting your loved one walk the whole time. If a parent wants to

remain in her home, but it isn’t safe for her to cook for herself, you might bring in a home-health aide for a certain number of hours to assist and supervise. “It all comes down to (this):

How do you care for your parent and enable them to live the way they want for as long as possible without taking over their lives,” Jacobs says.   4. INTRODUCE CHANGES SLOWLY In altering a

loved one’s routines or living situation, “often there’s time to plant the seeds for change,” Jacobs says. If major changes are in order, suggest modifications and explain why they’re

important, whether for convenience, optimal care, safety or another reason. “Let the issue lie, then come back to it,” Jacobs says. “Make changes slowly so people have a chance to adjust to

the idea.” 5. PRESENT A UNITED FRONT If your loved one is in denial about the need for certain changes or forms of care or puts up a fight for other reasons, remember that “sometimes there’s

strength in numbers,” Jacobs says. “If you and your siblings agree (about what’s best for Mom or Dad), you can speak with one voice, which can help overcome the parent’s resistance,” he

says. The idea isn’t to gang up on the parent but to gently explain the rationale behind making certain changes. This approach can help divert conflict. 6. FIND NEW SOURCES OF POSITIVITY

Engage your loved one wherever he or she is. If the person is functioning well, consider doing an art project, assembling a puzzle or cooking together. If the person is ill, “spend time

reminiscing and looking at photo albums together,” Schlossberg says. “Be a good listener,” she says. “Don’t mind if you’ve heard the story before.” Alternatively, you could listen to an

interesting audiobook together. Besides boosting your loved one’s mood, sharing positive experiences like these can strengthen the connection between you.  _Stacey Colino is an independent,

award-winning writer specializing in health, psychology and family issues. Her work has appeared in dozens of national magazines as well as websites and books._ LEARN MORE ABOUT CAREGIVING

CONFLICTS