Suicidal thoughts common among military caregivers

What makes assistance and identification of those with suicidal ideation so hard? The stigma. Delgado knows four caregivers in her community alone who committed suicide. “These aren't

just hidden heroes,” she says of the unsung dedicated caregivers, “they are forgotten heroes. The stigma around thoughts of suicide makes it difficult for people to have the conversation”

and admit they need help, Shaina Purser is a caregiver to an Army veteran of Afghanistan and Iraq and the mother of a special-needs child. She works within the nonprofit space providing

education, encouragement and support to military and veteran families. "Before I self-identified as a caregiver, I felt a great sense of failure in caring for my husband. I thought this

was just my problem and that I was failing because I couldn't do it right,” she says. “When I made the decision to take my own life, I felt like I was at the edge of a cliff, trying to

hold on.” Despite this, Purser was expected to push through and endure, a hallmark of the military mindset. This only further compounded her feelings of failure and isolation. "I tried

to take my own life and I wasn't successful,” Purser says. “My shame was so profound that I couldn't imagine telling anyone about it. I hardly left the house and was in a very

dark place. It was hard to imagine how my life could continue. I survived, but it felt like that was worse." Her husband left the military and then her daughter was diagnosed with

autism. In the process of reaching out to various organizations to advocate for them both, Purser began to meet other people like herself, share stories and call herself a caregiver, a job

that had a title and a definition. She quickly realized that she was not alone. With this knowledge, she went on to earn a master's degree in social work at the University of Southern

California, specializing in military social work. Utilizing her own experience as a military family member and caregiver, she has become a champion for raising awareness of issues affecting

military families. Her message to caregivers is simple: “You are not alone. Accept help, reach out for help, and if help says no, don't take that for an answer.” She also urges

caregivers to advocate for themselves as much as they would for their family members, and to connect with other caregivers to understand that these experiences are common. "You have a

purpose and a story to tell,” Purser says. “You were not put on this earth to just care for your veteran. Your life matters just as much, and you have something to give to this world."

HONORING THE MILITARY CAREGIVER ROLE Melissa Comeau is a caregiver to a combat-wounded Marine. She is also an adviser for PsychArmor, a nonprofit that provides education programs for

military service members, veterans and their families, and worked with the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) and the insurance company USAA to develop the S.A.V.E. training program for

military and veteran caregivers, which helps people take an active role in suicide prevention. (S.A.V.E. is an acronym for signs of suicide, asking about suicide, validating feelings,

encouraging help and expediting treatment.) Comeau is working to change the stigmatized and negative language around suicide from phrases like “failed suicide attempt” or “committed suicide”

to “died by suicide.” "We hear a lot about the issue of veteran suicide,” Comeau says, “but we don't focus at all on the caregivers. This issue is so shameful within the caregiver

community that it's hard to get people to open up. Just having these conversations can feel as if your loved one has become an overwhelming burden, that you would rather die than care

for the one you love.” What's more, military caregivers have always been looked at as a solution, a safety net for the veteran, rather than being seen as people with their own issues.

“We can't sacrifice one population for another,” Comeau says.