How caregiving led me to bankruptcy

Still, even with $8,000 a month coming in through his pension, Social Security, LTC insurance and VA benefits, a big monthly shortfall arose. In the last years of Dad's life, his

medical expenses alone were over $10,000 a month, including more than $90,000 per year just for paid caregivers, even though I was also providing 60 to 80 hours of unpaid care most weeks. I

paid for almost everything else — the house, food, clothing, incontinence supplies, his service dog's medical care, and other things that enhanced Dad's life and made it easier to

care for him. We took a home equity line of credit to consolidate some debt and pay for remodeling the bathroom to make it safer for him to use. DROWNING IN DEBT My sisters, Linda and Susie,

and I all made personal and financial sacrifices, but, like many other primary caregivers, I carried the bulk of the financial burden. I used my credit cards for expenses that exceeded my

income, which I eventually stopped doing. But even though I wasn't adding to it, the debt continued to grow due to high interest rates. I desperately tried to reduce the amount I owed.

As our expenses continued to rise, I began paying only the minimum balance on credit cards (which I knew was not a good idea, but I had no choice). The debt grew even faster. Dad passed on

at home, surrounded with love, in 2018, at age 94. It was six years after he had moved in with me. Life after caregiving proved to be harder on every level than I thought it would be.

BANKRUPTCY: THE HARD REALITY I tried to manage my debt, but I was financially overwhelmed. The credit card companies were not interested in negotiating with me. Several lawyers and financial

experts advised me that bankruptcy was the best course. For me, it's been a long, humiliating, demoralizing and stressful process. I can tell you that when the bankruptcy was final,

about a year and a half after filing, there was a level of relief mixed with grief, sadness and despair. Today, I still continue to pay taxes that I got behind on the year I filed (at 8

percent interest), as well as the ongoing mortgage and the home equity line of credit. My credit rating will be low for years to come.  I realize that few people talk about their finances

and that doing so makes me vulnerable. I have endured much criticism and judgment, even from family members and friends. I own my choices to care for my family. I do not need nor want

sympathy. I do, however, want people to understand the real costs of caregiving. An AARP study found that family caregivers spent about 26 percent of their annual income on caregiving costs

— an average of nearly $7,000 of their own money per year (in my experience, those costs were much higher). I share my story because I want the 53 million family caregivers in the U.S., many

of whom are struggling financially, to know that they are not alone. When I began intensive caregiving for my parents, I had about 25 years of experience working in the field of aging. I

did my best to give my family the best care and support. But the finances were far more difficult than I imagined. While my situation may be extreme — with multiple people to care for and

differing extenuating circumstances — the unimaginable can happen. The cost of caregiving can be too much for anyone. A LASTING IMPACT Looking back, nearly 7 years after Dad died, there’s

not only a lasting impact on my finances, but also my stress levels and sense of security.