Veteran’s prose was spark that reignited his passion to live | va tampa health care | veterans affairs

“As I sat there alone, thinking about all the friends I had lost, time just stopped,” said Brinkley. At the time, the young specialist was in the middle of his second deployment in four

years, working two grades up as a squad leader, with 3rd Combat Aviation Brigade, 82nd Airborne Division. He thought about the friends he had lost and felt there was no other choice. "I

was going to pull the trigger,” continued Brinkley, “but then I saw a pen and a sheet of paper on the table next to me.” In the time it would have taken Brinkley to end his life, he made a

choice to live. He picked up the pen and began to write. The ink flowed in-time with Brinkley’s emotions and as a new day began, the paper in front of him had five poems. Three years ago,

Brinkley joined James A. Haley Veterans’ Hospital & Clinics. Today, he serves as a contract specialist at VISN 8. Brinkley offered that he’s also proud to get his health care – including

mental health support – as a registered Veteran in the Tampa VA system. “The care I receive here has far overshadowed any reservations or predispositions I ever had about the VA system,”

said Brinkley. “When you’re in that dark abyss, and you can’t get out, there are people at VA who will walk with you, step-by-step, to help you find that light.” Below are the five poems

Brinkley wrote that night in Afghanistan.   ------------------------- LOST SOULS (E PLURIBUS UNUM) Witness to their falling all around me Their blood upon my face, upon my hands The screams

never ending, forever in my head I see them lying cold and empty on the ground Waiting to return, once more the dust of Earth Just another pile of bones left to rot Their accusing eyes

behold me, they pierce my soul (unrelenting eyes?) What’s left of it mocks their cries for mercy There’s nothing I can do, I’m not their savior I’m just the one who made it out alive Forced

to remember and can’t forgive myself Won’t let myself forget they’ll never fight again They’ll never hold again the ones they loved The goodbyes they’ll never have the chance to say I’m

still here, why am I allowed to live Our blood is spilled for nothing at all (our blood is spilled for only a pittance?) We were better, we came in peace, or so they claimed Just another

excuse to kill and be in spirit maimed (one more excuse to kill and be in spirit maimed?) Covert population control, beneath the world’s notice Why are only the poor committed to fighting

and dying? While those who think they’re better men find all the profit Their pockets are lined with purloined silver, stolen riches Subverted to their will, a well-timed word to spill the

blood of others We’re taught to hate, driven into blood thirsty frenzy They have strings attached, the desires of our hearts deep and dark and hidden Their charade is clear, yet I’m

powerless to stop it, I’m only one man There’s strength in numbers, we can pull them down They smile to our faces, promising all is for the best Yet who are they to judge, they’ve lied like

all the rest Manipulated and divided, it is we who’ve been conquered We have purchased the fairytales that now rule our lives Planted in our dreams are false and empty hopes, yet we cling to

them Promises that can never come true, lies that make it possible to sleep at night The new world order already dawns upon us (has already arrived?) Why do we allow them to drive us

further into the ground? We’ve surrendered and lost all that was won for us in blood and tears Let now be the time we say no more, the time we take them down Rise together, we’re a force

unstoppable, we’ll contest the prize Take control once more, our destiny is in our hands, from many, come one ------------------------- PLAGUE There alone and empty Tomorrow’s pain is still

a mystery (Tomorrow’s pain, an enigma?) A body broken, a hollowed shell Doomed to tread this earth, his own private hell There’s no understanding them He returns their hate, heart full of

vengeance Shunned and silent, his screams unheard The empty shadows are dark and cold He awaits them there, his sanctuary undisturbed To spend it all uncaring, this eternity unbending

Abandoned on his knees in prayer, he yearns for death’s release His desires were unrequited, forced to feel the emptiness Reminded of past wrongs, failed, tortured, unforgiven That done once

right now matters not All they see is a failure, defined by his mistakes He is to them a disease, a plague upon humanity A creature of their hate, he spreads his poison easily among them

Their thought and dreams are as twisted as his pleasure His face a haunted smile, Harbinger of their doom Condemned to walk his path, their lives are ruined by his wrath He rips their souls

from mortal coils, their suffering the spoils Disallowed the joy he’ll never know, a parasite within to grow Their perfect lives they leave behind, to join him is their fate In this hell

that he’ll create, he spreads his plague, their hate He twists their minds and hearts asunder, their loss of joy his plunder Puppets dance his tune before him, that which lights his face is

grim The sky rains blood as the earth tears itself apart from the inside He waits, and watches it match his suffering in its throes It will take him with it soon, he’s no longer alone, he

knows FALLING Today there’s darkness over my head Can’t seem to shake these feelings that surround me I’m filled with an emptiness that may never leave Everything good in my life falls to

pieces I’m haunted by the failed dreams and aspirations of my life Seems I’m only good at hurting those around me Smashing their dreams and shattering hearts Like flesh comes right off the

body Can’t shake this darkness, not sure I want to Where once was love now dwells this hate The darkness has triumphed over the light The world crumbles, I sit and laugh I’ve seen these days

coming for so long Madness on approach, it will never fade Creator and destroyer, my hell is home The black abyss of oblivion stretches wide (Oblivion, the black abyss stretches wide?) An

embrace of death, and lost forever I’m falling closer to the point of no return Going forever deeper into the void I’ll never know what could have been Knowing instead the demons that haunt

my nightmares They torment me to my core, an eternity of regret I’ve failed, they remind me, I’m torn apart with ease No chance for resistance, I’m crushed within an instant I’m stripped of

hope and of the light bereft Pain and piercing cold are the only gifts I may never know again the light, nor feel its warmth Today there’s darkness over my head that can never be shaken

Still, I fight, the darkness my fuel in this place that I’ve been taken Nothing will withstand me, my happiness my own If this darkness be mine, be it so ------------------------- ANGEL OF

MY NIGHTMARE (NEVER) Acid flows through my veins Once blood and life pumped through me Replaced and lost Corroded by a heart of lies Never Again Shall I let someone close enough to cut me

Never Again The fallen walls surround me Fueled by acid now, a reminder Burning away inside me forever Never again Trust no-one, I’ll remember To think with my brain My heart is for feeling

Never again Will I let myself be hurt I let her in, but I’m the fool A toy to make her days more interesting Her smile haunts me Angel of my Nightmare The plague that rent my soul from limb

She found me cast from the sky this demon Perfection filled my vision Awaiting pain and suffering Blinded, I surrendered Pawn to hell as yet unknown My funeral shroud This hate infused my

blackened heart Stronger still than I have ever been Faster and harder than before A foundation new, un-penetrated Pain now the slave not Master Eternal and un-sated

------------------------- QUESTION What have we gained from questioning ourselves? We’ve made our choices for a reason, even if it’s never known Who are we to question fate, our path is

predetermined? The destination is the mystery, the journey there the forge Unhindered, destiny will be our guide She will take us to our place, so long As we never back down, accept

responsibility Knowing, no matter what, that our actions are just Defy the demons that plague us with doubt Forever trying to change us from our path Are we so blinded, we’ve allowed their

choices to become ours? We’re all afraid to take that step ourselves (that step alone?) Nothing can withstand us, yet our choices make us wrong Allowed the simple things to stain our

thoughts They hold us back, we’re paralyzed Allowing everyone else to dictate how our lives are lived When will we learn that this is our life, that we are who live it We have control, our

choices made, and yet to make Accept what’s ours, confront and face the demons No longer shall they rule us, Sic Semper Tyrannus. Thus always, to tyrants We reclaim our humanity, no longer

zombies on the path to nowhere Awaken, carpe diem, and regain our due Stand tall, be counted, and be without fear (do not let fear rule you?) We’re the key, the cure we’ve searched so long

for