Post-summer reboot: how to make changes at home, at work, and in your relationships this september

Anna Hart 02 September 2017 7:00am BST January and the “new year, new you” brigade might get more attention, but I’ve always felt September is the real month of change. We all spend our

formative years on a rigorous schedule that conditions us to view this back-to-school period with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. The long lazy days and carefree nights of the

summer might be over, but there’s much to look forward to in early autumn. I’ve come to see blackberries and early sunsets as a reminder to start thinking about new opportunities, goals and

changes I want to make.  A holiday shouldn’t purely be a stress-battling exercise, insists Anna Hunt, a healer and author: “Holidays enable us to de-stress and reconnect with how good we

feel outdoors in the sun, spending less time mentally overloaded at a computer.” Anna is among the growing number of well-being experts who believe we should question our approach to

holidays and leisure time, where we slave away for months with mounting stress levels, and then expect our summer break to hit the release valve and reset us, before beginning the cycle

again.  “Humans have in-built sensitivities to the change in seasons, so it’s natural to reassess our lives at the two big transitions of the calendar year – New Year into spring, and autumn

into winter,” she adds. “A holiday isn’t about fixing yesterday’s stress levels, it’s about looking ahead to a stressless future.” Donna Lancaster, a relationship and life coach, agrees.

“Autumn and winter are traditionally the seasons for reflection and growth,” she says. “They provide a time to ‘hunker down’, reflect and then take action. Autumn is about renewal.” While

September is an opportunity for re-assessment and change, it can be a difficult transition, so it’s important to navigate this period carefully. How do we stay upbeat as the weather becomes

more gloomy, holidays become a distant memory and our tans fade? How do we re-motivate ourselves and get back into our working routine as painlessly as possible? How do we sustain that

stress-free summer feeling, healthy exercise and eating habits that seemed so natural? And, given that divorce rates spike after the summer break, how do we make sure we safeguard our

relationships? 1. HOW NOT TO LEAVE YOUR HOLIDAY ON HOLIDAY… Stress, Anna Hunt insists, is not itself the enemy; it’s an early-warning system that we can’t continue as we are. “Whether your

stress manifests physically (tension headaches, heart palpitations, skin complaints and so on), mentally (mental overload, constant thinking) or emotionally (feeling fatigued, irritable and

anxious), stress forces us to realise we need to change the way we live,” she says. “Stress is nature’s way of telling us to change our approach to life.” One way to maintain your summer Zen

is to continue to spend summer-holiday-level amounts of time outdoors. “Make time to connect with nature. A brisk walk, followed by tea in a warm home is a way to keep balanced,” she says.

  BRING YOUR HOLIDAY HOME “When we’re stressed we stop believing we have time for the habits, people and things that make us feel good. Spend these last few weeks of summer diarising time to

do whatever has a calming effect, whether it’s yoga, reading or going to a café with a friend. Having positive plans prepared, before the stress of normal life starts to kick in, keeps you

on track. Prevention is easier than a cure.” 2 REBOOT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS The period after the summer holidays is now the peak time for couples to break up in the UK. And it’s not just

romantic relationships that are under pressure; friendships and familial relationships also struggle. The reason for this, says Donna Lancaster, is that we have time to reassess things

during these more relaxed summer months – a good thing, but what if a friend or loved-one doesn’t fit into the future you’ve started to hope for?  “Many people suffer from an ‘addiction to

busy’ and so relationships can tick along on the day to day, and then when we press pause and actually spend time together, unresolved issues come to the fore,” she says.  Donna believes

that when we start to question a relationship, it’s first important to look into ourselves, and where this dissatisfaction comes from. “I always start couples therapy by examining a client’s

relationship to themselves,” she says. “So many people have unrealistic expectations of a partner that is based on their own ‘unfinished business’ from childhood. Imago relationship therapy

proposes that essentially we attract partners with both the positive and negative qualities of our parents, and react to their partners unconsciously through that filter.” If you enter a

relationship as an emotional child looking to be rescued, warns Donna, it will never end well. “Relationships only work when two healthy and fulfilled adults come together,” she says. That

said, it’s healthy to continually reassess our relationships, and what they bring to our lives. “I believe there’s something in the saying that we become the five people we spend the most

time with,” says Donna. “It’s important to ensure those that we surround ourselves with bring us nourishment and joy as well as challenge. Sometimes we outgrow friendships, just as we do

intimate relationships, and that’s OK.”  BRING YOUR HOLIDAY HOME "Address, process and resolve conflict. Don’t let yesterday’s petty resentments become tomorrow’s rage monsters. Make

time to honestly share on what’s bothering you and why, without blame and harsh judgments.” 3 GET YOUR WARDROBE AUTUMN-READY “The feel-good factor of a holiday isn’t just about nice meals

away, getting a tan, seeing new places,” says Vicky Silverthorn, professional declutterer and author of Start With Your Sock Drawer. “It’s also that you have less choice, and having to make

one fiftieth of the decisions you normally have in any given day, well, that’s a holiday for your mind.”  As Vicky sees it, we’re bombarded with decisions and choice every day, and this

takes its toll on us, stress-wise. “The most important thing we can take away from a holiday is how lovely it is to sleep in a simple, clutter-free room, and how easy it is to get dressed in

the morning, because you’ve only got a handful of items,” she says. So how can you maintain that summer holiday simplicity in your home? If you’re looking to declutter at home, think about

your wardrobe as your suitcase. “When we pack we look for items that are double-purpose and versatile, and this is a great principle to take home,” she says.  “The items we wear most on

holiday, whether it’s a white shirt, a pair of blue jeans or a super-comfy dress, these are the items to prioritise in our wardrobe back home.” A lot of other items can just go.  BRING YOUR

HOLIDAY HOME “Pay attention to what you didn’t wear in your suitcase on holiday. If you didn’t wear it there, when you thought it would be appropriate, are you ever really going to wear it

or use it?” 4 FEED YOUR SOUL Mercedes Ngoh Sieff is founder of the Yeotown retreat in Devon and Yeotown Kitchen in West London, and a big believer that what we put into our bodies as the

seasons change affects every other sphere of our lives. “As the weather changes, at Yeotown Kitchen we shift from astringent and lighter foods such as salads or raw veg to warmer, bulkier

soups, casseroles and hot pots,” she says. If you do one thing for your diet this winter, advises Mercedes, get to grips with seasonal eating. “Out-of-season produce like berries and soft

fruit are only in supermarkets in winter because they’ve been stored for long periods and tend to need high amounts of preservatives to make them appear edible,” she says. “Eating seasonally

is ideal because it’s when foods are at their freshest, most nutritious and most delicious.”  At Yeotown Kitchen, the chefs work with adaptagenic herbs to boost our well-being. “Asian

ginseng, golden root and rhodiola rosea are great for when autumn rolls in, and daylight hours decrease which affects our mood,” says Mercedes. “Warming chai teas and colourful soups like

butternut squash and miso, coconut kale with curried sweet potatoes, ginger and turmeric are lovely ingredients to help maintain a positive outlook, not to mention visually they’re happy

yellow foods that bring a sunny disposition to the autumnal days.”  BRING YOUR HOLIDAY HOME  “On holiday it’s easier to savour our food and eat mindfully. We eat outdoors or in pleasant

surroundings, aware of tasting local dishes and ingredients. Every meal feels like a special occasion. Mindful eating is a habit really worth taking home. As a three-step guide, chew your

food thoroughly (studies suggest we should be chewing each mouthful at least 20 times), use your non-dominant hand to hold a fork or spoon to slow yourself down, and stop eating just before

you feel really full.” 5 RETHINK YOUR CAREER GOALS  Alice Olins and Phanella Mayall Fine are founders of the Step Up Club, a coaching service and network for professionals. They also run the

Step Up School, a year-long group career coaching programme. “While August is a time for reflection and revaluation, it’s difficult to move plans forward when decision makers are away,”

says Phanella, an executive coach with a background in career management and finance. “In September, people return from summer reinvigorated and ready for change and, crucially, managers

start hiring again.”  “The September feeling of reinvention and opportunity is deeply ingrained in us from childhood, which makes it the perfect time to pour energy into our careers, whether

that’s aiming towards a promotion, focusing on building our networks or prioritising our personal development.”  But Phanella warns that we should make sure that any career overhaul isn’t a

knee-jerk reaction to an incredible summer, and the return to day-to-day grind. “If there’s a chance you’re rethinking for the wrong reasons, there are a couple of steps to take before a

career overhaul. First, try job crafting: the powerful idea that within the confines of your day job, you actually have a lot of scope to craft your daily tasks and transform your working

day. Map the elements of your job and reorganise them to better suit you. In this way, you can put personal touches on how you see and do your job – in the realms of tasks (what you actually

do), relationships (who you do it with) and perception (how you feel about what you do) – and you’ll gain a greater sense of control at work,” she says. “Second, don’t confuse a difficult

manager, for example, with a loss of enthusiasm for your chosen career path. A huge proportion of happiness at work depends on environment, so it may just be that you need a new team or

project rather than a complete career change.”  Be mindful of the broader work calendar. “Hiring happens in waves: some industries, for example, pay bonuses in January so if, say, you work

in a bank, February might actually be the time to start looking, to ensure you get paid what you’ve earned,” she says. And think about the overall life context in which you are reconsidering

your career. “If, for example, your relationship is going through a difficult patch, be wary of subconsciously displacing the blame onto another sphere of your life,” she says. “During

times of huge personal change, such as maternity, bereavement or a difficult break-up, it’s often best to stay with work you know until you have an understanding of your new normal.”  BRING

YOUR HOLIDAY HOME “Look after yourself. We see so many people subjugating their personal needs for those of work. Put in parameters: turn off your device at a certain time, sleep with your

phone in another room, plan breaks for meals. When we take care of our bodies and minds, we end up happier, healthier, and more successful.” 6 STAY SUMMER ACTIVE  In the summer months

fitness happens almost by accident, as we charge around sightseeing and spend more time with our families and outdoors. “The big message to take from the summer is that incidental movement

is key,” says Emily Dawson, a fitness instructor and founder of imagineican.com. Emily insists we don’t need to spend on equipment or gym memberships. “Engage your body. As you move around

hold yourself tall,” she says. “Walk everywhere, as you would on holiday, take the stairs instead of lifts and escalators. Simply stay active.”  The good news is that in Emily’s experience,

it’s much easier to set fitness goals now than in summer. “We’re all conditioned to start a new school year in September, but also the majority of us will have overindulged on our holidays,

with one too many margaritas, sugary cocktails or barbecues,” she says.  If you have a gym membership, Emily suggests upgrading your workout with three simple exercises. “I’m a big fan of

leg raises, bench presses (using either free weights, a machine or a bar), and lat pull-downs, using either a machine or your body weight on a bar,” she says. “This works smaller groups of

muscles that all need to act to stabilise you.”  No gym? “No problem,” says Emily. “Squats, press ups and jump burpees are my go-to exercises that target major muscle groups. Add a warm-up

and 15 minutes of cardio of your choice, and you’ve got a good outdoors workout.”  BRING YOUR HOLIDAY HOME “Fitness experts have recently rediscovered the humble skipping rope, which is

great for interval and conditioning and a perfect warm up. It’s low-impact and requires rapid arm movement, as well as engaging your core muscles.  “The fast, feet movement of skipping with

a rope raises your heart rate without to much stress on your joints, hormones or nervous system. I tell clients to incorporate three to five bursts of 100 skips in their routine.”