Harry maguire, snooker and the us – the saudi arabia sporting shopping list

Thom Gibbs Senior Sports Writer 04 August 2023 11:05am BST What do you get the petrol-blessed sovereign wealth fund which has everything? Answer: More of everything. This has been the

guiding principle of Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund and its sporting shopping spree which has so far hoovered up Newcastle United, golf and much of 2015’s most exciting footballing

talent. Today Telegraph Sport can exclusively reveal the rest of the Saudi shopping list. While it is usually considered poor practice to divulge one’s sources, in the spirit of transparency

it can be revealed that this list was obtained legally, found flapping around the trolley shelter of Riyadh Waitrose. So what is coming down the line? HARRY MAGUIRE Fits the bill perfectly.

He’s somewhat past his best and is a move that suits both selling club and player. Added to that he’s already quite unpopular so has little to lose. Just avoid any pre-season tours to

Greece. XHERDAN SHAQIRI Astonishingly not already playing in Saudi Arabia. It will take some effort to free him from the notorious Chicago Fire, which has already consumed several blocks of

prime lakeside real estate, the Sears Tower and Bastian Schweinsteiger. MARIO BALOTELLI Will thrive in a country famous for its chilled-out attitude to renegades and unpredictable behaviour.

HASHTAG UNITED Seems to be the sort of thing the kids like. Got to hit that younger demo. Can probably help with the socials. THE LEAGUE CUP It’s not really being used anyway. That should

pad out the football portfolio enough and help to raise Saudi Pro League average attendance to five figures. Time to diversify further. THE ITALIAN GRAND PRIX If America can have two, why

not Saudi? Just remake Monza in Medina. That’s the fourth-most populous Saudi city, not the former site of a Ryder Cup miracle. SNOOKER Move over Eddie Hearn, there’s a new, actual, crown

prince in town and he’s got some big ideas about how to monetise Judd Trump. CRAZY GOLF After the feelgood success story of LIV (laugh, love) Golf, this is the logical next step. If an

abundance of windmills and fibreglass scenery cannot convince Rory McIlroy then nothing will. CHESSBOXING Move over again, Eddie Hearn. Anthony Joshua is so last year, this combination sport

(three minutes of boxing, four minutes of chess) is the future. Rishi Sunak will be livid he didn’t think of it first. THE GREEN BAY PACKERS Do not even need a change of colour, so no need

for any Newcastle away kit PR disasters. THE NFL What the hell, why not buy in bulk? NBA, MLB, NHL, MLS American sport buy three get one free deal! NATION OF AMERICA AS A WHOLE Let’s just

cut to the chase. TIDDLYWINKS You may laugh but have you seen the polo-shirted former IT workers who contest the World Tiddlywinks Championships? In the words of Phil Mickelson, scary

motherf----s. World domination achieved.