Social impact heroes: why & how ly marlow of saving promise is helping to change our world

> … I believe that in order to have real change, we must also help > the abusers. While I do agree they must be held accountable for > their transgressions. I also believe that 

hurting people hurt > people. And until we address both sides of the issue, we will never > be able to break the cycle. I also believe that prison isn’t the > answer because most 

abusive people that are locked away come out > even more damaged. That said, one idea I have is to create a 12-step > reform program for abusive partners similar to Alcoholic Anonymous

> where they are paired with a reformed sponsor/mentor who can help > them work through their issues and teach them how to engage in > healthy relationships and family. We need 

real solutions! Even if it > seems out of the realm of idealism. As_ part of__ my series about “individuals and organizations making an important social impact”,__ I had the pleasure of

interviewing L.Y. Marlow._ _L.Y. Marlow is Founder & CEO of__ Saving Promise__, a national organization dedicated to ending intimate partner violence. Saving Promise was inspired by five

generations of mothers and daughters in Marlow’s family who suffered and survived 75-years of domestic violence — including her granddaughter, Promise. L.Y., a former corporate executive,

is Principal of the Harvard Learning Lab — an innovative domestic violence research and development initiative at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health._ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

JOINING US IN THIS INTERVIEW SERIES! CAN YOU TELL US A STORY ABOUT WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO THIS SPECIFIC CAREER PATH? In August 2007 I discovered that my twenty-two-year-old daughter was

involved in an abusive relationship her partner tried to kill her twice. The second time, he strangled her while their 6-month-old baby girl named Promise lay on the bed beside her. I had

just published my first book, Color Me Butterfly, telling the story about four generations of mothers and daughters in my family (my grandmother, my mother, myself and my daughter) that

suffered and survived more than 60 years of domestic violence. And now here was Promise, the 5th generation. I eventually walked away from a 20+ year corporate career to launch Saving

Promise — a national nonprofit organization with a mission to bring people together from all walks of life to prevent intimate partner violence and create safer communities for generations

to come. CAN YOU SHARE THE MOST INTERESTING STORY THAT HAPPENED TO YOU SINCE YOU BEGAN LEADING YOUR COMPANY OR ORGANIZATION? Several years ago, I was diagnosed with life-threatening health

issues all triggered by chronic stress from trying to save Promise. It is a testament to how passionate and dedicated I am to breaking the generational cycle in my family and ensuring that

the next generation of Promises are healthy and safe. IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT OUR MISTAKES CAN BE OUR GREATEST TEACHERS. CAN YOU SHARE A STORY ABOUT THE FUNNIEST MISTAKE YOU MADE WHEN YOU WERE

FIRST STARTING? CAN YOU TELL US WHAT LESSON YOU LEARNED FROM THAT? The first time I was ever invited to speak to a group about Saving Promise, I had no public speaking training. I’d come

from a corporate background and so I showed up with a set of powerpoint slides. About 5 minutes into my talk, a wise 80-year-old woman named Kitty, whom I fondly now refer to as my adopted

mama, stopped me mid-sentence and said: “Baby, put that paper down and tell your story.” More than a decade later I’ve been telling MY story. Lesson learned: Stories are powerful. They are

what sparks a conversation, create connection and mobilize the community to take action. CAN YOU DESCRIBE HOW YOU OR YOUR ORGANIZATION IS MAKING A SIGNIFICANT SOCIAL IMPACT? First, we must

stop being reactive — responding after a tragedy or trauma — and be more proactive. That’s why Saving Promise focuses on prevention. Prevention starts at every level of the community.

Teaching our children what healthy looks like; educating young adults about dating violence; arming our workplaces with tools to educate their employees; providing resources to healthcare

providers to better screen, intervene and prevent domestic violence; engaging the faith communities so they can educate their parishioners; and most of all, targeting the next generation

that is most at risk –youth and young adults. Saving Promise is making a significant impact by mobilizing the grassroots community to take action by providing greater public awareness,

education and prevention programs. CAN YOU TELL US A STORY ABOUT A PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL WHO WAS IMPACTED OR HELPED BY YOUR CAUSE? Once when I was speaking at a large mall event in

Philadelphia, a young woman came up to me and showed me a text that she had just received from her abusive partner threatening to kill her. The first thing that popped into my mind was that

we needed to get her to safety, especially since most women are put at greater danger or even killed after they report it. My staff and I immediately found a police officer to take her to

the station to file a restraining order and we also connected her to a local domestic violence hotline and shelter to ensure her safety. Needless to say, that young woman’s experience

reminded me about why I have committed my life to this cause. ARE THERE THREE THINGS THE COMMUNITY/SOCIETY/POLITICIANS CAN DO TO HELP YOU ADDRESS THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM YOU ARE TRYING TO

SOLVE? Absolutely! * We need greater public awareness and prevention campaigns that will reach people where they are, for example, on social media. We also need corporate America to get

involved and help fund and help create more innovative ways of addressing the public. * Domestic violence is underfunded and virtually ignored. Therefore, government and politicians need to

invest more funding resources, programs and policies to proactively address the problem. * Each of us must do our part and take action. Action can simply be talking about it around the

dinner table with your family and friends; modeling healthy behaviors with your children; or educating your colleagues about it in the workplace. HOW DO YOU DEFINE “LEADERSHIP”? CAN YOU

EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN OR GIVE AN EXAMPLE? Over the years, my views and style of leadership has changed. I’ve come to realize that leadership is not a unilateral role. It’s about taking

collective action — mobilizing stakeholders from every corner of society. It requires an ecosystem that addresses intimate partner violence at the individual, community, institutional and

public policy levels to have widespread impact. While we will never be able to end domestic violence, though that is a lofty goal to aspire to, we must contain it in a way that will decrease

the number of people that are impacted and ultimately save lives. WHAT ARE YOUR “5 THINGS I WISH SOMEONE TOLD ME WHEN I FIRST STARTED” AND WHY. PLEASE SHARE A STORY OR EXAMPLE FOR EACH. 1)

IGNORANCE IS BLISS. I didn’t know what I didn’t know but I’m grateful for the lessons learned. 2) IT’S GOING TO BE AN UPHILL BATTLE. Unfortunately, our society isn’t ready to face this issue

head on. There’s still a LOT of work to be done. 3) NGOS CAN SOMETIMES BE THEIR OWN WORST ENEMY. Meaning, NGOs have an old-fashioned ‘kitchen soup’ charity mentality. We need to be more

open-minded, progressive and innovative when trying to address a public health crisis of this magnitude. 4) YOU CAN EITHER PRAY OR WORRY BUT YOU DON’T DO BOTH. Some wise advice I once heard

50 Cent say on “Oprah”. I recall it so vividly because it was during one of my darkest hours. I was physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially bankrupt and his words sent a chord

through me. 5) 15 YEARS LATER I WOULD STILL BE CHASING THE SAME PAVEMENTS. I didn’t come into this with both eyes wide shut. Understanding that I’d likely be in it for the long haul; but

damn, really? It’s like pulling teeth without any codeine to get the funding we so desperately need to have a real impact. But I refuse to give up because I believe that God has called me to

do this work, and therefore, where there is a will, I will find a way! YOU ARE A PERSON OF ENORMOUS INFLUENCE. IF YOU COULD INSPIRE A MOVEMENT THAT WOULD BRING THE MOST AMOUNT OF GOOD TO

THE MOST AMOUNT OF PEOPLE, WHAT WOULD THAT BE? YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOUR IDEA CAN TRIGGER. :-) I believe that in order to have real change, we must also help the abusers. While I do agree

they must be held accountable for their transgressions. I also believe that hurting people hurt people. And until we address both sides of the issue, we will never be able to break the

cycle. I also believe that prison isn’t the answer because most abusive people that are locked away come out even more damaged. That said, one idea I have is to create a 12-step reform

program for abusive partners similar to Alcoholic Anonymous where they are paired with a reformed sponsor/mentor who can help them work through their issues and teach them how to engage in

healthy relationships and family. We need real solutions! Even if it seems out of the realm of idealism. For example, my grandfather who horrifically abused my grandmother and her eight

children came from an abusive family. Now, should my grandfather have been held accountable for his transgressions? Absolutely! Did he get the help he needed to atone for his sins and pave a

new path for his family? Absolutely NOT! This oversight triggered five generations of violence that hurt many lives. We gotta do better! CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE US YOUR FAVORITE “LIFE LESSON

QUOTE”? CAN YOU SHARE HOW THAT WAS RELEVANT TO YOU IN YOUR LIFE? I recently heard someone say: If you believe in something that can be solved in this lifetime then you’re not thinking BIG

enough. While I’ve sacrificed a lot including my health, I find peace in knowing that I’ve made a difference in my lifetime that will help people for generations to come. IS THERE A PERSON

IN THE WORLD, OR IN THE US WITH WHOM YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A PRIVATE BREAKFAST OR LUNCH WITH, AND WHY? HE OR SHE MIGHT JUST SEE THIS, ESPECIALLY IF WE TAG THEM. :-) Absolutely! And before I

share who it is… let me put it into context. On August 25, 2007 when I learned that my daughter was nearly strangled and killed for the second time by her boyfriend, I wrote a letter to the

only person in the world that I thought could help me, someone whom I deeply admire, Oprah. In part, here’s what I wrote: Dear Oprah, This morning, I am writing to you in a time of duress…

I learned that my daughter’s boyfriend tried to kill her again last night… And what breaks my heart even more is that she now has a six-month old daughter named Promise by this man. Now as I

sit in tears, I pray that you will help me with the Saving Promise campaign. My hope is that by bringing national attention to this, that perhaps someone will LISTEN and maybe I can change

the laws and save my daughter and Promise’s life. Though Oprah did not respond, she actually gave me a gift — a gift to find my own voice and vision to save Promise. Therefore, my reason for

wanting to have breakfast with Oprah is to thank her because I’ve come to realize that sometimes someone’s no can be your biggest YES! HOW CAN OUR READERS FURTHER FOLLOW YOUR WORK ONLINE?

Please visit savingpromise.org and learn how you can become a Friend of Promise. THIS WAS VERY MEANINGFUL, THANK YOU SO MUCH. WE WISH YOU ONLY CONTINUED SUCCESS ON YOUR GREAT WORK!