A plonker's guide to plonk – top wine tips for brits from 'connoisseur' del boy

BRITS ARE COMPLETELY CLUELESS ABOUT WINE, A NEW SURVEY HAS REVEALED, SO WE'VE COMPILED A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO PLONK COURTESY OF DEL BOY FROM ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES 20:40, 20 May 2025

Brits are clueless when it comes to vino, according to a new survey. A study for the International Wine and Spirit Competition found that many of us make basic mistakes like serving white

wine too cold. But never fear, we've recruited the ‘crème de la menthe’ of connoisseurs, Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses, to give us a bluffer’s guide. Here are his cushty tippling

tips! DON’T DO ME A LEMON : ‘Au revoir’ folks and welcome to Trotter’s good wine guide. Now the first thing to known is that putting lemonade or lots of ice in your guests’ Chardonnay will

leave them feeling all ‘PLUME DE ME TANTE’. Serve white wine at 7-10C – not freezing from the fridge. Dish up red at 12–14C, a bit below the temperature Boycie necks the Chateau Peckham at

the Nag’s Head. TOTALLY BANNED MARIE : Don’t hold the glass by the bowl Raquel, grab it by the stem love, so it doesn’t go all _Chambourcy nouvelle on you. Oh, and when tasting the wine,

don’t make the mistake I once did of spitting it back into that big bucket of cold water they bring you._ POT POURRI-NG: Don’t be a drip Rodders! Avoid spillages by hold the bottle by the

base, not its neck and when you want to stop pouring, _rotate the bottle a quarter turn away from you_ while tilting it upwards. YUPPIE TIMES: Once the nectar is in your glass give it a good

swirl and a sniff, then sip it holding it on the tongue before swallowing. Don’t down it in one like Trigger would. ‘Après moi, le déluge’, as they say in Holland. LOVELY BUBBLY: As any top

smellier knows, Champagne is to sparkling wine what the pina colada is to cocktails – the absolute ‘Pas-de-Calais’! Be a total ‘Moet it all’ and serve your champers at between 8-12 degrees,

only filling the glass half full to get the full aromas. DON’T ‘MANGE TOUT’: I’m known for my love of classic German cuisine like Duck à l’Orange, but I canard recommend it without a cheeky

pinot noir on the side. You’ve got to pair the right food with the right vino Grandad - or you’ll end up with ‘OEUF SUR LA PLAT’ . Go for white wine with a bit of fish or chicken, I’d say,

but choose and nice red like a Cabernet Sauvignon for your steak. HE WHO DARES VINES: I’ve learnt my lesson from falling through the counter of that wine bar – it’s vital you look the part.

Never complain the wine has a screw cap. They’re totally legit these days my son. Get to know the lingo too. Turns out that tannins aren’t something you get in Benidorm and ‘terroir’ isn’t

the shock of accidentally seeing Uncle Albert cutting his toenails in the sink. Article continues below AU CONTRAIRE! Don’t know your Blue Nun from your Liebfrau-milk? Choosing the second

cheapest wine on the menu isn’t always the best value. It’s a bit of a myth - the cheapest can be just as good. ‘F _ait acopian’, innit! _Bonjour for now wine buffs…