Sexual desire and libido differences between men and women - aarp

If women's desire results _from_ good sex, then the issue for men is not how to ignite their lust before the fact; it's knowing what kind of sex enables women to warm up

sufficiently to experience desire. According to sexologists, the "brand" you should try is sex based on gentle, whole-body massage that eventually includes the genitals but does

not fixate on them. Unfortunately, many men don't appreciate the importance of whole-body lovemaking. "The genitals are important," says New York sex educator Betty Dodson,

"but so is every other part of women's bodies. Men who rush into genital sex are clueless about women." FORGET FOREPLAY; EMBRACE 'LOVEPLAY' Which brings us to

foreplay, the term for activities that precede what most men consider the main event. Forget foreplay. Instead, focus on "loveplay" — extended, gentle, playful, whole-body

caressing. Loveplay might begin by holding one another, kissing, and mutual touching from scalp to sole. Then you might shower together, dry each other off and share a glass of wine. Next

you could light candles, kiss, turn on some music and massage one another's neck, shoulders and back. And _then —_ well, you get the idea. Convinced that sex equals genital play, some

men recoil from "all that touchy-feely stuff." They view women's preference for whole-body sensuality as an annoyance that postpones the hardcore action. However, leisurely,

playful, whole-body massage enhances not only women's experience of lovemaking _but also men's._ The whole-body sexual style that allows women to experience desire is the same

approach that sex therapists recommend for men wishing to raise and maintain erections and enjoy ejaculatory control. In other words, whole-body loveplay is a win-win. It allows women the

warm-up time they need to experience desire and become enthusiastic lovers, and it improves men's sexual function, boosting the satisfaction of both parties.