How to handle a difficult relationship with mom on mother’s day

It’s almost Mother’s Day, that time of year when greeting card companies and commercials extol mothers and daughters, who lovingly show gratitude and share special, happy memories. But if

your relationship with your mom is more difficult than doting — whether that’s because you’ve always been at odds, you’ve grown apart as you’ve gotten older, or personality changes,

cognitive decline or caregiving issues have come into play — it can be a tough time to figure out how to recognize the day. Here are 10 tips for getting through the day when your

relationship with your mom is less than perfect. ACCEPT THAT YOUR MOM HAS HER OWN STRUGGLES It can be taxing to deal with an aging parent who is perhaps struggling with pain, injury or

disease, or who has experienced some cognitive decline and perhaps become more demanding and irrational — all while trying to live her life to its fullest. “The more you can accept that your

mother is imperfect and flawed, the easier it’s going to be on your feelings — and maybe even on the choice of what you want to do,” says Ellen I. Carni, a psychologist in New York City.

TRY TO KEEP HER FRUSTRATIONS IN MIND — ESPECIALLY ON MOTHER’S DAY On your side of things, maintain your objectivity and realize that you can’t control someone else’s behavior. Refrain from

getting swept up in conflict by resisting the urge to argue, and try to identify what’s behind any hurtful interactions, says Lindsay Gibson, a clinical psychologist in Virginia Beach,

Virginia. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU HAVE IN COMMON “Go large with your perspective,” urges Bob Gordon, a psychotherapist based in Washington, D.C. “Depersonalize the occasion and relationship and

think about your common humanity.” If you share an appreciation of fine art, take her to a museum, suggests Gibson. If you share a love of food, look up a popular recipe and spend an

afternoon cooking together, suggests Gibson. If your mom is in an assisted living facility that’s hosting a Mother’s Day event, join in. If nothing else, consider showing appreciation to

your mother for raising you, says Gordon. “I know it’s cliché, but we’re not here without our parents. So one way to honor them is not to try to come up with something too flowery and

sentimental but simply to say, ‘Thank you for bringing me into this world.’ ” BE ACTIVE TOGETHER TO HELP YOU BOTH STAY POSITIVE If you choose to get together in person, Gordon advises doing

something that avoids “an intense interpersonal exchange.” Going for a walk in nature is great because besides turning your attention to the things you see as you go, it has been shown to

improve mood, increase optimism, and reduce stress, anxiety and negative rumination. Other ideas include taking a gentle exercise class, working in the garden or watching a movie or favorite

show together, says Gibson.