Experts give advice on finding love later in life

For Sandy Skwirut Hart and Jim Hart, true love began with a dare. Sandy, now 71, had been dared by friends to join the dating website Match.com. That's where she laid eyes on Jim, whose

online profile made clear he was someone she could fall for: devoted to his grandkids, an avid boater, and — crucially — tall enough for her liking. After communicating through emails and

phone calls in early 2018, the couple decided to meet in person. It was clear to both they shared something special. By that October, they were married, and Jim, now 76, moved into

Sandy's home in Frankfort, Illinois, where she has lived since 1974. But the process wasn't seamless. Both had lost spouses to cancer in recent years, so working through grief was

part of the package. There have also been some hiccups when it comes to how their grown children reacted to the news. But overall, they say, their relationship is a new beginning — and one

that probably wouldn't have worked out if they had met 25 years ago. KNOW YOURSELF That insight is key to what biological anthropologist and self-help author Helen Fisher, a senior

research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, says is one of the central upsides of finding love later in life: Not only do older adults know what they want, they're also less likely than

younger counterparts to compromise on what's most important to them. And with millions of older adults entering the dating scene, experts say that more older adults than ever before are

experiencing their own happily-ever-afters, decades beyond the median age of first marriage (30 for men and 28 for women in 2018, according to the U.S. Census Bureau). That was certainly

the case for Diane Julien, 72, and Ron Stainer, 81, of Minnesota. "He figured he would never get married again, and I figured I would never get married again,” says Julien, whose first

marriage had ended in divorce after 18 years. She says she was about to give up on finding love when Stainer contacted her through the dating website Plenty of Fish in 2016. They aren't

married yet, but the pair are set to tie the knot with a private ceremony in Costa Rica in the coming weeks. The exact date is a secret, Julien says, to deter would-be wedding crashers from

showing up on their special day. Between them, the couple have five children, 12 grandchildren and five great-grandkids, with another on the way. SET NEW EXPECTATIONS Later-in-life romance,

let alone destination weddings, weren't the norm even a few decades ago, says Fisher. In generations past, she says, older adults who were widowed were expected not to pursue a

romantic relationship at all, but rather jump right into the role of grandparenting. Things today couldn't be more different. And later love isn't just celebrated, it's also

biological reality, says Fisher, who emphasizes that the brain pathways responsible for feelings of intense romantic love are exactly the same “whether you are 2-and-a-half or

92-and-a-half.” Fisher herself is in her 70s and preparing to get married for the first time. She and her beau split their time in a way known as “living apart together,” or LAT: They

maintain separate households in New York City, where they alternate spending time together at each residence, and also some alone. It's a setup she says won't change, even after

they say “I do.” "The beauty of older people is that they can build the kind of partnerships that they want,” Fisher says. “It's not this cookie-cutter thing.” INTRODUCE THE

'STRANGER' INTO YOUR TRIBE Starting a new relationship in middle age or beyond, however, also can come with a unique set of challenges, says psychoanalyst Polly Young-Eisendrath,

who, along with her late husband, Ed Epstein, created a method of couples therapy that emphasizes close, active listening as a way to help partners communicate and reconnect. "The

difficult, or bad news side, is that you already have a tribe, you have a family, you have children,” she says. “Bringing a new person into the context of your life is sometimes really

difficult." Young-Eisendrath has firsthand experience with later-in-life love. She met her long-term partner after her husband, to whom she was married for 25 years, died in 2014

following a battle with early-onset Alzheimer's (an experience she describes in her memoir _The Present Heart: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Discovery_). Her advice for older adults

entering into new partnerships? “Be aware that you need to cultivate this relationship freshly,” she says. “Show up with each other's tribe, get to know each other's history and

children." LEARN FROM PREVIOUS LOVE Relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of _He's Just Not Your Type (and That's a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect

It_, also emphasizes the role that past relationships can have on later-in-life love. Her take on the adage about loving and losing? “It's better to have loved and learned,” she says,

than to have never loved at all. “What's the point of losing if you're not learning?” For Emeline Pickands, 78, loss itself was the circumstance that brought her and husband, Ron,

84, together. The couple, who live outside Chicago, came to know each other through a group for widows and widowers (both had lost a spouse to cancer), and their romance bloomed from there.

Still, Pickands had to overcome her initial hesitation about the prospect of getting married again. That is, she says, until she realized life was “way too short” to let her doubts keep her

from saying “I do,” which the couple did on Valentine's Day in 2002. (Naturally, the bride wore red.) Now approaching their 18th wedding anniversary, Pickands looks back to their 10th

anniversary in 2012 as the source of the best gift she ever received: not a fancy gift or trip, but her husband's safe recovery after a harrowing heart valve replacement surgery.

"I call him my sunshine guy,” Pickands says. “I love him very much." _Editor's note: This article was originally published on Feb. 11, 2020. It has been updated with correct

last names for the couple Sandy and Jim._ LOOK WHO FOUND NEW LOVE AT 50 AND OLDER * LIST * | * SLIDESHOW * Photos * * * 1 of * PHOTO BY: Jeff Kravitz JENNIFER LOPEZ, 50 The fourth time’s the

charm for this superstar, who’s set to tie the knot with baseball MVP Alex Rodriguez sometime this year. "I’ve been married three times—once was nine months and once was 11

months," she has said. "So I don’t really count those." * * * 2 of * PHOTO BY: Patrick McMullan / Getty Images HODA KOTB, 55 It's not official yet, but Kotb's highly

anticipated nuptials to fiancé Joel Schiffman are on the horizon “sooner rather than later,” as she told _People_ magazine, “because what are we waiting for?" * * * 3 of * PHOTO BY:

David M. Benett / Getty Images GEORGE CLOONEY, 58 This leading man swore he'd never marry again after his first marriage to actress Talia Balsam ended in divorce. But that was before he

met Amal Alamuddin, a Lebanese-British human rights lawyer. The couple wed in 2014 and welcomed twins Ella and Alexander in 2017. * * * 4 of * PHOTO BY: Paul Bruinooge / Getty Images KATIE

COURIC, 63 The broadcast journalist and husband John Molner tied the knot in 2014. Couric lost her first husband, Jay Monahan, to colon cancer in 1998. * * * 5 of * PHOTO BY: Sonia Moskowitz

/ Getty Images BARBRA STREISAND, 77 A blind date was the beginning of the singer's 20-plus year romance with actor James Brolin, whom she married in 1998. * * * 6 of * PHOTO BY: AP

Photo / Alexander Sandvoss TINA TURNER, 80 Turner found love after a notoriously abusive first marriage, wedding longtime partner Erwin Bach in a 2013 ceremony. In 2018, the singer revealed

that Bach had donated the kidney she had recently received as part of a lifesaving transplant surgery. * * * 7 of * PHOTO BY: Dia Dipasupil GEORGE TAKEI, 82 The Star Trek superstar, activist

and social media maven married his longtime partner, Brad Altman, in a Buddhist ceremony in Los Angeles in 2008. * * * 8 of * PHOTO BY: Walter McBride / Getty Images WARREN BEATTY, 82

Beatty was an avowed bachelor with a long list of paramours. That all changed when he met wife Annette Bening, which he has said was love at first sight. The couple tied the knot in 1992 and

have four children. MORE ON FRIENDS AND FAMILY * WWII vet, 104, asks for Valentine's Day cards, receives thousands * Couples recall how they found “the one" * How love impacts

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