How to write a eulogy that captures who the person was

2. CONSIDER REACHING OUT TO OTHER MOURNERS If you're the only family member scheduled to deliver a eulogy, for example, you might ask other close relatives for their stories and

suggestions. 3. INCLUDE LIVELY ANECDOTES Schaeffer says, "The biggest mistake people make is talking about the person's qualities in a way that's just too bland." In

other words, he explains, don't just say, "She was generous." Give the listeners an example of her generosity that impressed you. 4. TRY NOT TO FOCUS TOO MUCH ON YOURSELF

"You have to put yourself into it to a degree," says DeChant, because a eulogy is from your point of view — but it's not about you. "Have someone who loves you read

it," she suggests. "Ask them, 'Is there too much of me in it?' If the person cares about you, they'll tell you." 5. DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE FUNNY DeChant

says, "When people get up and share something that they loved about that person, there can be very healthy, healing laughter." 6. EDIT YOURSELF You may want to put the eulogy aside

for a bit, then come back to it with fresh eyes. Keep revising until you're happy with it and it's at a good length. Schaeffer suggests aiming to speak for between five and eight

minutes, but "I would err on the side of shorter." 7. DON'T GIVE UP You're grieving, maybe struggling to think clearly, and probably have only a short time to prepare.

But remember, says DeChant, that putting in the effort, then offering other mourners your heartfelt thoughts and memories, "is the greatest gift you can give." 8. KNOW THAT IT’S

NORMAL TO BE NERVOUS AND EMOTIONAL “When you get up to speak you’re going to be nervous,” says Schaeffer. “Remember that everyone supports you and wants you to do well. And you’re going to

be upset. It’s okay to cry.”