Lgbt community recalls 'coming out' later in life


Family was also at the forefront of Andrea Hewitt's mind when she came out as a lesbian at age 44 — and one of the reasons she didn't come out until after two marriages to men. “I

was very much someone who played by the rules and wanted to have a family,” says Hewitt, who grew up in Mississippi and now lives in Nashville, Tennessee. “Back in the early ‘80s, there was

no model of how to be gay and have a family." A mother of two, Hewitt was worried that being open about her sexuality would mean losing custody of her children. She also had to sort

through internalized negative beliefs about being gay, a process that she says took her by surprise. "I thought I was this progressive person with gay friends,” she says, yet, “when I

first came out, I was so devastated. I really thought: _Why me?_” Eight years later, Hewitt now says that being gay is her “superpower.” She is also committed to helping other women through

their coming-out journey with her blog, “A Late Life Lesbian Story,” which she started with encouragement from her now-wife. The blog's affiliated online support group, launched in

2016, has grown to include more than 1,700 members from around the world. "BEING TRUE TO MYSELF ABOUT MY SEXUALITY,” SHE SAYS, “GAVE ME THE STRENGTH TO BE AUTHENTIC IN ALL AREAS OF MY

LIFE." — ANDREA HEWITT Wayne Gregory, 61, of Portland, Oregon, echoes that experience. “The fears associated with coming out don't compare with the joy and the freedom that result

from doing it,” he says. “Once I came out, my whole life began to change." For Gregory, religion was the main factor that drove him to suppress his identity. Raised in a Baptist

household in Louisiana, Gregory struggled internally for decades before coming out at age 49. "Because I grew up very religious, it was very difficult for me to process what was going

on inside of me,” he says. “I had to do that through the lens of my religious experience, which taught me it was all wrong." By his 30s, however, he says he realized that being gay was

an integral part of his identity, and not one he could ignore or will away. Now a member of the Portland Gay Men's Chorus, Gregory says he is “as open and out as you can be,” including

with his six children and his former wife, with whom he remains close friends. "EVEN THOUGH I HAD YEARS AND YEARS OF BEING IN THE CLOSET THAT WERE PAINFUL, THESE 11 OR SO YEARS OF BEING

OUT HAVE MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IT,” HE SAYS. “I DON'T LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE WITH REGRET OR A SENSE THAT I'VE LOST THINGS, BECAUSE WHAT I'VE GAINED IS SO VALUABLE." — 

WAYNE GREGORY LOOKING FOR SUPPORT? In-person and online resources can help. LGBT-affirming therapists and mental health providers have experience working with LGBT people and may specialize

in providing support during the coming-out process. Directories offered by _Psychology Today_, GLMA (formerly the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association) or the Association of Gay and Lesbian

Psychiatrists can help you narrow your search. In-person LGBT meet-ups and groups can be a great way to get connected to your community. Even if they aren't specifically intended for

those who have come out recently, you may meet others at a similar stage in their journey. Online, look for groups or message boards where you can safely share your feelings. Organizations

like COLAGE and PFLAG also offer online and in-person resources for LGBT individuals and their loved ones, including adult children.