How to make friends in a retirement community

Participation in events is a big factor in settling into new surroundings, agrees Justine Merlin, activities director at the Pines at Whiting, in Whiting, N.J., a senior community providing

independent and assisted living. “We offer recreational, fitness and spiritual programming seven days a week to provide a diverse variety of activities,” she says.  One challenge is that a

retirement community can “run the risk of being a bit like high school,” says Gallagher, with some people feeling socially insecure in their new environment. To help prevent anyone from

feeling isolated, Gallagher and other staffers introduce residents who have similar hobbies and backgrounds. “If we spot someone who may feel left out, we will always make it a priority to

partner that resident with someone who will nurture a friendship with them.” What’s more, new folks are introduced at a welcome lunch, where they are paired with veterans who help them

adjust. Friendship Village Columbus, in Columbus, Ohio, has a welcome committee run by residents who serve as guides to newcomers, setting them up with a variety of folks to dine with,

advising them on more than 50 committees and programs — such as woodworking, instrumental and vocal music, gardening, art and creative writing — and answering questions about the community,

says life enrichment coordinator Carolyn Randolph. “Put yourself out there and start sampling these engagement opportunities,” Randolph suggests. “Small groups of people may gather in

lounges in the community for conversation; join them. Write a thank-you card to people you've met, thanking them for making you feel welcome.” Above all, don’t sabotage yourself with

negative thinking, Randolph advises. “Imagining that people won't like us, reading something negative into a person's reaction, telling ourselves we won't be accepted. Give

yourself and others the benefit of the doubt, and extend to others the latitude you'd like them to give you.” Jim Wagner, who has an apartment in Friendship Village, is certainly living

that advice. The retired minister, 83, is the dictionary definition of a joiner, rattling off the names of numerous committees and activities that he participates in, including serving as

the choir director. “I came with a positive attitude,” Wagner says — along with a willingness to try a variety of activities, among them the dining services committee, the marketing

committee, the travel committee and the newsletter, for which he interviews new residents, enabling him to constantly meet potential friends.