Dating with a broken heart? - divorce, breakup, dating advice, find love

Trying to date immediately after a relationship ends is ill-advised. While it may be what we are instinctively inclined to do, dating before you are emotionally ready is a recipe for

disaster. Why? You're likely to feel awkward, unhappy, anxious and numb — and who wants to date that person? Dating in denial is a dead end. Mend your broken heart first. Michelangelo

Gratton/Getty Images The fact is, it's nearly impossible to hide a broken heart; I know I fooled no one when I was trying to do so. My anxiety was evidenced by my inability to make eye

contact with a date, which was a sign to women that the lights were on but no one was home emotionally. My fixed-smile mask, a smirk really, wasn't a confidence builder either. I was

present in body, of course, but not in spirit. In one case, I double-dated with a friend and his partner, who had fixed me up with an attractive woman who had clearly spent time on her

outfit, hair and makeup. I didn't even see that she was a knockout because I was blind to everything except my own pain. While my date was moving forward, I was stuck in reverse. When

she engaged me in conversation, I mumbled one-word answers. I didn't know whether to say good-bye or apologize at the end of the evening, so I mumbled both. My friend didn't

mumble, however, when he said, "No more dates, Ken." I should have stopped dating cold turkey after that. But I was still addicted to the notion that the only way to make myself

feel better was to find someone new. I clung to the foolish idea that a new woman could make my sorrow disappear, so I went on a few more disastrous dates. The sage counsel I sorely needed

came from my best friends — men who loved me, didn't judge me and supported my need to rebuild my heart and spirit. I shared my feelings about the breakup openly and honestly, and asked

how they had managed their own heartbreaks. They told me to do things like sit quietly at home, alone, and allow myself to feel the pain rather than continuing to avoid it by going out. I

needed to invite it in for as long as it took to heal. They mentioned a few months of introspection as a good start. It took five. At first I kept the television on, but I couldn't pay

attention — it was just noise. I discovered that quiet music was soothing, so I stretched out on my sofa listening to classical music and allowed my feelings to surface, unrestrained. In

time, I realized that ignoring my feelings had just kept the pain alive. My mantra became "Don't think, feel."