Avoiding conflict in your marriage as family caregiver

2. CARVE OUT TOGETHERNESS TIME "Aim for a date night or a weekend afternoon together each week,” says Eve Markowitz Preston, a psychologist in private practice in New York City who

serves mostly older adults and often makes home visits.. Use that time to fully focus on each other or do something you've always enjoyed together, whether it's playing a sport —

tennis, anyone? — or going to a movie or the theater. If your older loved one lives with you, finding time and privacy for intimacy with your partner can be tough. In these instances, try

enlisting another family member or a home health aide to take your loved one out for an afternoon or stay for a weekend so you and your spouse can get some private time. 3. ENLIST YOUR

SPOUSE'S HELP With your attention, energy and time spread thinly, it may help if your spouse could take on more responsibilities in your home, perhaps cleaning the house, doing the

grocery shopping, preparing meals or running errands for you. If your spouse can't do it, consider hiring someone to help with these tasks. Either way, this will help prevent you from

feeling overwhelmed and resentful. 4. TAKE EACH OTHER'S EMOTIONAL PULSE REGULARLY Caregiving isn't a sprint; it's often a marathon, or at least a 10K, so keep the lines of

communication with your spouse open along the way. "Touch base with each other on a regular basis and talk with your spouse about how he or she is feeling about this,” Preston says.

This way you may be able to make adjustments that will ease your spouse's frustrations — perhaps by arranging for adult day care so you can get a break or getting caregiving coverage so

you can take a trip together as a couple. In the meantime, your spouse will at least feel like you've heard and validated those feelings of frustration, which can help prevent or ease

tension between you. _Stacey Colino is an independent, award-winning writer specializing in health, psychology and family issues. Her work has appeared in dozens of national magazines as

well as websites and books._ _Editor's note: This article was published on October 29, 2019. It has been updated with new information from AARP and the National Caregiving

Alliance's 2020 national survey of caregivers._