How to avoid sibling conflict when caring for parents

Consider which sibling is best suited to which responsibilities, based on abilities, financial resources, proximity to the care recipient, time availability and other key factors. Be

flexible about shifting responsibilities from one sibling to another as each sibling's situation changes, Jacobs says. 3. FIGURE OUT HOW TO STAY IN TOUCH Agree to keep one another

apprised of any changes in your family member's condition or needs. Decide together on the best or preferred mode of communication (perhaps group texts or email) for sharing important

information between scheduled meetings, Jacobs says. Then rely on it as issues crop up or change. 4. ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED If you are the primary caregiver, avoid setting yourself up to

shoulder every caregiving task or decision, as this can lead to resentment and burnout. Become an assertive, direct communicator and spell out what specific assistance you need — whether

it's financial help or a break from watching your older family member. "If you don't express what you need, you can't expect other family members to read your mind,” says

Dolores Gallagher-Thompson, a visiting professor at the Betty Irene Moore School of Nursing at the University of California, Davis. 5. CONSIDER OUTSIDE HELP If longstanding sibling tensions

and resentments get in the way of your pulling together to provide your loved one with optimal care, seek counseling to help all of you work through issues, Gallagher-Thompson advises.

Remember, the care recipient suffers the most when tasks trigger intractable power struggles and resentments among siblings, Jacobs says. If each of you can remember that and try to work

through or put aside grievances for the greater good of helping your family member, you'll be better at getting the job done. And by working together, you may even improve your sibling

relationship. _Stacey Colino is an independent, award-winning writer specializing in health, psychology and family issues. Her work has appeared in dozens of national magazines as well as on

websites and in books._