When Frustrated Caregivers Yell, Then Feel Guilty
When Frustrated Caregivers Yell, Then Feel Guilty"
- Select a language for the TTS:
- UK English Female
- UK English Male
- US English Female
- US English Male
- Australian Female
- Australian Male
- Language selected: (auto detect) - EN
Play all audios:
By
Barry J. Jacobs, AARP
En español Published April 21, 2015| I hadn't yelled this loud and long since my kids were little and disobeyed me. I had never yelled like this at my mother. But one night recently when I was very tired and had discovered
she had frittered away money she couldn't afford, I lost my temper and let loose with a top-of-the-lungs rant. She closed her eyes and didn't respond. This made me madder, and I yelled some
more. It took me minutes, not seconds, to calm myself down.
I felt terrible afterward, guilty and angry at myself for having exploded at a loved one impaired by mild dementia. I also was frightened by my sudden loss of self-control. When I apologized
to my mother the next morning and she forgave me, I felt slightly relieved but still shaken. Like the many caregiving clients who've confessed to me during psychotherapy sessions about
shouting at their own loved ones, I worried I was turning into some monstrous abuser.
Why do family caregivers occasionally yell — even when they know it only inflames a bad situation? Because, as caregiver advocate Carol Levine has pointed out, we are "always on call" for
our care recipients' needs, and this constant strain erodes our patience. Because our loved ones' behaviors, truth be told, can be very annoying, and our frustrations build up to the boiling
point. Because we feel angry about being overwhelmed by caregiving demands and then wrongly lash out at the people for whom we are committed to providing care.
We then feel great regret for much of the rest of our loved ones' lives and afterward. In a 2011 article in the Philadelphia Inquirer, reporter and spousal caregiver Stacey Burling wrote
about how commonly caregivers have meltdowns and how these experiences complicate their bereavements once the care recipients die. "We end up feeling bad about behaving like normal, flawed,
frightened, exhausted human beings," she said.
How do we avoid such blowups? And, if we are prone to them, how do we prevent their recurrence? Here are some ideas.
Distinguish abuse from simply bad behaviorElder abuse is a serious national problem. Unfortunately, sometimes frustrated family caregivers are the culprits. If ever a caregiver hits, pushes or in any other way strikes a care
recipient physically, then the situation has become so dangerous that the caregiving arrangement must cease immediately — even if it means that the care recipient has to be placed in a
facility. Yelling is more difficult to define as abuse. Most of us fume angrily at our family members at some point in time, but that doesn't make us abusers. However, if yelling becomes a
frequent occurrence or the intensity of the outbursts is steadily increasing, then the current caregiving plan clearly isn't healthy for the caregiver or the care recipient and should be
quickly changed.
Trending News
A life course approach to explore the biological embedding of socioeconomic position and social mobility through circulating inflammatory markersABSTRACT Lower socioeconomic position (SEP) has consistently been associated with poorer health. To explore potential bi...
Airlines then and now: Why a meal on a plane can feel like a flight back in timeAs each passing week brings news of yet another air-travel public relations disaster to light, it's easy to forget that ...
Fit for the seven-league bootsThe story of a man who sought to harness nature for the American good. Access through your institution Buy or subscribe ...
Fitness costs restrict niche expansion by generalist niche-constructing pathogensABSTRACT We investigated the molecular and ecological mechanisms involved in niche expansion, or generalism, versus spec...
Kochi boat tragedy: 3 dead fishermen identified as belonging to TN, 9 still missingThe Coastal Additional Director General of Police (ADGP), Sudesh Kumar, has confirmed to TNM that a total of 14 fisherme...
Latests News
When Frustrated Caregivers Yell, Then Feel GuiltyBy Barry J. Jacobs, AARP En español Published April 21, 2015 | I hadn't yelled this loud and long since my kids were l...
Ex-cabinet secretary robles jailed; faces trial over missing 5 billion pesosAfter a hearing that lasted more than 12 hours, a judge ruled early Tuesday morning that a high-ranking cabinet official...
International internet crime ring in west virginia town(MUSIC SEGUE) [00:00:01] Bob: This week on The Perfect Scam. [00:00:03] Bob: I mean just the depth of the kinds of fraud...
Emissions Turbo Volkswagen UpFERRARI GTC4 LUSSO, RENAULT CLIO 4, VOLSKWAGEN UP VS FIAT 500 -... Sommaire : NOUVEAUTÉ : Ferrari GTC4 Lusso ESSAi : La ...
Heavy rains bring severe flooding to nogales, sonoraSevere flooding left one person dead and caused extensive material damage Tuesday in Nogales, Sonora. Sharon Denisse Ahu...