Valuable lessons caregivers can learn from nurses

Keeping things in perspective is essential to help cope when you’re feeling overwhelmed, Nelson advises. “There will certainly be times when you don’t want to be a caregiver or when you want

to escape and take a break.” Taking those breaks or having someone relieve you isn’t always possible, so she suggests focusing less on the immediate situation and instead looking at the

bigger picture. Think about the care recipient’s needs and how you’re able to be there for them.  “This helps you reevaluate the situation and hopefully allows for you to pull back, get

perspective and try to focus on being more appreciative of your ability and life,” Nelson says. “That kind of mental perspective is something I practiced when I worked in the ICU, and I also

apply it to my role as my husband’s caregiver.”  As she did when she was an ICU nurse, Nelson often reminds herself that she is here to help others on their journey in life. “That’s what I

am doing now,” she says. “I’m helping my husband on his own life journey. Not everyone can be a caregiver. It’s a hard job, and I have respect for myself because I am that person who is

doing hard things.” DEALING WITH ANGER Gail Koffman, 70, of Silver Spring, Maryland, graduated from nursing school in 1977 and took an emergency room job in New Bern, North Carolina, where

she worked for 12 years before meeting her husband, Bob, a flight surgeon at the time. Once married, she moved frequently because of her husband’s military career, garnering more degrees and

experience. She works as a nurse practitioner and licensed acupuncturist in occupational medicine at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland. Koffman learned a great deal

from caring for her father, who had dementia. “As caregivers, we are always thinking about what we’re going to do today and tomorrow,” Koffman says. “When my father got the disease, he was

always in the present. It was all he had, and that taught me to try to live each day in the moment.” She acknowledges that it’s hard to tell the caregiver to be in the present because

everyone has different pressures and stresses. “Your ability to interact and to accept the challenges you face daily also changes every day,” she says. “That’s completely normal.” Dealing

with anger is another area where Koffman, who worked on a psychiatric unit as well as the emergency department, has a lot of experience and advice. “Anger is a common emotion in caregiving,

whether it’s someone who is frustrated or someone who has had to wait five hours to be seen,” she says. “The worst thing you can do is to respond to their anger with anger. This is a place

where gentle words can help, choosing phrases that are soothing and acknowledge someone’s emotions, such as ‘I don’t know what you are experiencing right now, and there is a lot going on.

Maybe I can help if you’d let me.’ ”    MORE TOP TIPS FROM NURSES * EMBRACE TECHNOLOGY. Explore any tools or shortcuts that can make your life easier. If an app or program, such as a food

delivery service, can save you five minutes, use it.   * RESEARCH OUTSIDE NURSING SERVICES AND OTHER ONLINE RESOURCES. Churches and hospitals have resources and support groups and can offer

creative ways you can lean on people in your community.   * EDUCATE YOURSELF. The more you learn about your loved one’s situation — the easier it will be. * DON’T STUFF DOWN YOUR OWN

EMOTIONS. If no one is there to talk to, talk to yourself, yell in the car or write hard feelings down. * FEEL THE GRATITUDE. If you are a person of faith, tap into that. Gratitude work

creates a positive feeling for all. Hug and thank other caregivers and acknowledge when you see people doing selfless acts. Koffman feels it’s important to take a little time to break things

down for people and explain them in a way that’s easy to understand. “You can’t give someone false hope or take away someone’s pain,” she says, “but you can be there for them and attempt to

answer any questions that they have.”