Chasing Satisfaction, Not Happiness, May Be a Healthier Goal for Family Caregivers

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“Are you happy?” Many of us hear some version of this question or phrase numerous times a day. There is an expectation in America that we should all be walking around feeling happy every

minute of the day. It’s even written into the Declaration of Independence: We are granted unalienable rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

But if you look at the numbers — according to an AARP mental health survey more than 60 percent of caregivers say that providing care for a loved one increases their levels of stress and

anxiety — maintaining that cheery disposition is not always easy. No wonder many of us, especially caregivers, often feel as if we are falling short.  

But what if someone told you that we were all searching for the wrong thing? What if a continual state of happiness is not attainable?   

Jennifer Guttman, M.D., a therapist and the author of the book, Beyond Happiness: The Six Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction, contends that our continued focus on sustaining happiness can

actually create a feeling of inadequacy.

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“Happiness is an emotion,” explains Guttman. “It’s a feeling you get when you see a sunrise, receive a positive text or hold your new grandchild. The fact is, you can’t sustain an emotion;

it’s more of a short-term dopamine hit. Feeling satisfied throughout the day or the feeling of satisfaction at the end of the day is a much more achievable and healthier goal.”

fail at an emotion

For those of us who spend time caring for others and often are unable to regularly prioritize our own emotions or desires first, this should come as a bit of a relief. Guttman’s book grew

out of her personal experience as well as her practice as a therapist. “Thousands of clients have come to my office over the past 30 years, telling me they feel like they’re failing at being

happy,” says Guttman. “And I tell them they can’t fail at an emotion.”

Guttman views happiness as being dependent upon factors in the outside world. “When we tell ourselves that positive feedback from the doctor, hitting a health milestone or a new relationship

with a fellow caregiver will make us happy, we’re often setting ourselves up for disappointment. If we are hoping these kinds of things will bring happiness in an ongoing and sustainable

way, we’re destined to be let down,” she says. “Like all emotions, happiness comes and goes. Yes, it feels great, but then it passes.”