9 ways to revive a sexless marriage | members only

When was the last time you had sex? As we get older, it's not uncommon to have periods when sex just isn’t a priority in a relationship. Keeping up at work, caring for kids, aging

parents and pets, dealing with home repairs and navigating health issues are just some of the many reasons why getting frisky may get put on the back burner. “You get focused on the busyness

of life, you fall into a rut, you’re tired,” says Goody Howard, who studies sex and has a master’s in public health and social work. “You think, ‘We live together. You’re always going to be

here, so we can have sex some other night.’” At first, it might be a week of not having sex, and then you realize it’s been a year or more. But even relationships that have undergone a long

sex drought can be saved. Here are nine tips on how to get the groove back in your sex life. TALK ABOUT IT Focus on having an honest conversation with your partner about your sex life

without placing blame. “It’s important to share how you both feel without pointing fingers,” says Michelle Herzog, a sex therapist, licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of The

Center for Modern Relationships. “It could just be something along the lines of ‘I really miss you. I really miss that intimacy. I miss our closeness.’ It doesn't have to be, 'Why

don't we have sex anymore?’” Howard says. Still not sure where to start? Howard says to go for the most obvious and ask, “Why don’t we have sex anymore?” Howard also suggests picking

the right time to start the conversation. “Do something like scheduling a nice dinner, taking a class together, doing something that you maybe haven’t done in a while,” she says. Then you

can segue into something along the lines of, “I really missed this. You know something else I really miss about us? I miss having sex with you, too. I really want to feel close to you.”

Video: Sex therapist Sari Cooper shares what to do when your sexual relationships become one-sided. START SMALL Begin with little, intimate gestures, like sending each other some flirty

texts or snuggling up next to each other the next time you watch a movie and build up from there. “Take it slow, focus on sensual connection, get used to touch, don’t skip the

pleasure-building activities that help you get to know each other’s bodies again,” says Carol Queen, a sexologist and author of _The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great

Sex for Everyone_. She stresses that you don’t have to make intercourse the goal right away. Instead, she says, “make connecting the goal and keep communicating.” And don’t expect to go from

no sex to sex every night, Howard says. Let it progress to once a week or every two weeks, and work your way up from there.