My biggest retirement mistake: moving in with my kid’s family | members only

Richard’s supervision of the kids became another sore spot. When he had charge of them, he didn’t always follow family rules — letting them load up on snack-bar junk food at a bowling

outing, for example. Another time, on a bike ride, Richard got a flat tire. In a situation like that, “I was supposed to call [their mother] immediately and get everybody picked up,” he

says. Instead, he sent the boys home ahead of him, reasoning that they “need to know what they are going to do [when] I’m not here.” Their parents were not pleased. By this time, Richard was

no longer joining the family nightly at dinner or getting invited when they got together with friends. And as the kids got older, they were less enthused about having a full-time G-dad.

Richard would still want to join in shooting hoops when they had friends over, but “they didn’t want adult interference,” he says. “Once they hit sixth grade, sometimes fifth grade, they

become much more independent.” FINDING A FIT IN FLORIDA In 2022, amid the growing strain at home, Richard went to spend a week with his brother at The Villages, the sprawling retirement

community in Central Florida. With more than 150,000 residents and 3,000 social clubs, The Villages offers a smorgasbord of activities and opportunities to connect with people his own age

— something he realized he might need. “Seeing how he engaged with his neighbors and participated in local activities made me think about what I wanted in my own life,” Richard says. “It was

a turning point for me, understanding that I could have a fulfilling lifestyle in a similar setting.”  But not _that_ setting. With more than 70,000 homes spread across 57 square miles,

The Villages “feels overwhelming,” Richard says. He wanted something “smaller and more connected.” He came back to visit his brother in 2023 — this time for several months so he could scout

for a community of his own. Richard Harr at Hawthorne's community center, getting ready for a tennis match. He says he has more opportunities for social connection than he had living

with his son's family in a small town: "There’s always something happening, whether it’s social events, sports or group outings." Mary Beth Koeth He found it when a local real

estate agent steered him toward Hawthorne at Leesburg, a 55-plus community of about 2,000 residents in Leesburg, Florida, for which Bardin, a digital marketer, had coincidentally done

consulting work. (AARP participated in planning Hawthorne, which opened in 1972, but is not involved in managing the development.) “In Hawthorne, I can play tennis, racquetball and even

participate in chair volleyball, which is a fun way to stay active,” Richard says. Most activities are within walking distance of his two-bedroom home. “The community is vibrant, and there’s

always something happening, whether it’s social events, sports or group outings.” He takes part in Hawthorne’s twice-yearly parades of decorated golf carts and volunteers with a team of

residents who help their neighbors stay independent by responding to requests for household help, from opening a jar to moving furniture. After trying out multigenerational living, he says

he’s found happiness on his own. “I think it was a good experience overall,” Richard says of his time in Southern Pines, “but there were disappointments and hurt feelings and frustrations.”