Romance Movies Are Hot! My Husband Is Not

Kiersten Essenpreis Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

I have a new favorite expression that recently turned up in my reporting for In the Mood: new relationship energy, or NRE. It’s that intense emotional and sexual excitement that occurs at

the start of a romantic relationship. Yep, it’s even got an acronym. Fun, right?

This week, a woman wonders why she gets aroused when watching a romantic movie but feels little when she’s with her husband.

Hint: new relationship energy.

“It’s perfectly natural” to get turned on by onscreen romance, says sex therapist and neuroscientist Nan Wise, who, along with other experts, explains why this happens. But don't worry — our

experts also touch on how to turn that movie-worthy passion into reality. 

Why do I get excited when I watch a romantic movie but feel numb when I have sex with my husband? I love our connection, but too often I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

Often, in movies or shows, there’s a long ramp-up of erotic tension (Bridgerton, anyone?), as opposed to the longtime partner in front of you who says, “Hey, let’s go upstairs and have sex,”

says certified sex therapist Sari Cooper.

For AARP’s In the Mood column, writer Ellen Uzelac will ask experts your most pressing 50+ sex and relationship questions. Uzelac is the former West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun.

 She writes frequently on sex, relationships, travel and lifestyle issues.

Do you have a question? Email us at [email protected]

“In long-term relationships, we don’t put as much energy and effort into seducing one another,” Cooper says. “People cut to the chase — and the chase is the fun part. That’s what gets your

mind going.”  

The other factor: Newer is definitely hotter, says Wise.  

“Vicariously, you’re experiencing what’s happening onscreen — activating sexual activity through novelty,” says Wise, who is also the author of Why Good Sex Matters.