7 things graydon carter, 75, wants his grandkids to know | members only

Through no definitive plan and with no particular purpose, I have developed a haphazard set of rules that helped me navigate life and not look like too much of a fool in doing so. A good

number of them I received from wiser souls on the long road. I do believe that young people — I have five children, as well as three grandchildren — could in some way benefit from them. Here

are a select few, adapted from my new book, _When the Going Was Good: An Editor’s Adventures During the Last Golden Age of Magazines_ (out March 25).​ ​PUT YOURSELF IN THE MOVIE. This is

an easy one — especially when it comes to dealing with others. When a confrontation arises, ask yourself: Are you the hero in this story, the villain, or someone in between? Would you root

for yourself if you saw yourself in the film? You’d be surprised how useful this is in life. I have always tried to do the right thing, hoping that my actions would cause the objective me to

root for the real me. It doesn’t always work, but it works better than not trying it at all.​ THINK F.I.S.K. WHEN CONSIDERING ROMANTIC PARTNERS. I tell my kids that these are the essential

ingredients you should look for in a mate: funny, interesting, smart, and kind. This is, obviously, an overlay of the physical attraction part. Funny and interesting, it almost goes without

saying, are imperative. Same with smart. Kindness is highly underrated. But over the long haul, it pays off in dividends.​ ​IT’S NOT SO MUCH WHAT YOU SAY YES TO IN LIFE AS WHAT YOU SAY NO

TO. Don’t jump at the job opportunity simply for the money. Unless, that is, you’re in a dire situation financially, in which case, by all means, jump. Back when I was struggling at _Time_

magazine, my first job in New York, I was offered the job of being the editor of something called _Games_ magazine, a venture that was owned by the publisher of _Playboy_. Despite the fact

that the job paid more than three times what I was making at _Time_, and even though my future at _Time_ was rocky at best, I turned the _Games_ job down. I had flipped through a number of

issues and couldn’t for the life of me think of a way I could make the magazine better — or even keep it as good as it was. Also, I thought I would have children at some point, and I didn’t

think that an association with _Playboy_ was the sort of image I wanted my future kids to have of me.​ STAY OPEN FOR BUSINESS. When I first came to New York, I met the great Knopf fiction

editor Gordon Lish. He was the most beautifully dressed man I had ever met up to that point. I remember he wore a tan suit, polished brown shoes, and tan wool socks with a blind cable design

down the sides. (My first suit when I got to New York was a tan gabardine from Paul Stuart on Madison. And I bought a pair of socks similar to Gordon’s.) Anyway, his major bit of advice to

writers — and it can be applied to anyone in any profession — was this: Stay open for business. Never shut yourself completely down. This can be applied not only to writing but to life

itself. Always be open to a new line of endeavor. Be willing to say, “Oh, what the hell — sure!” I have traveled with Gordon’s words, and they are what got me not only into the magazine

business but into the restaurant business and the business of making documentaries.​