Why you should think of your empty nest as an open door | members only

By having a framework and a philosophy for this stage of life, I can shape my experience to make sure I take advantage of everything that it offers. Eliza and Eleanor are six years apart in

age, so when my older daughter left for college, I comforted myself with the thought, _We still have all the high school years ahead of us._ The days are long, but the years are short. Now

it’s time for Eleanor to leave too. I want to think about different aspects of this new phase: * Enjoying travel and adventures (my sister and I are planning a big hiking trip) * Learning

new subjects or skills * Examining existing family traditions and evolving them where necessary * Creating new traditions (I’m considering the Fourth of July as a new major family holiday) *

Handling the actual transition (i.e., college drop-off day) * Considering physical changes to the apartment (a now-uninhabited bedroom) * Finding new ways of working * Making more plans

with friends * Doing more to support the causes I believe in * Growing closer to Jamie * Spending more time with my sister and my parents I’ve been talking to parents who have already gone

through this stage, to ask for their advice and warnings. Some have advice about the actual day of transition. “I knew that I was going to be a wreck after I dropped off my third and final

child at college,” a friend told me. “So I planned a two-week trip that started the next day. I had to race home from the drop-off, do my last-minute tasks, and the next morning, I was

headed to the airport. I had a great time, and when I came back, the passage of time and the big adventure made the changes at home much easier to take.” Another friend warned me about the

change in routine. “Be careful about how much you work,” she said. “My husband and I love to work, and I know you and your husband are the same way. But until our kids left, we didn’t

realize how much we relied on family life to give us a healthy routine. For the first year or two, we worked _all the time _— and we loved it — but in the end, it wasn’t a good life. Now we

make sure to take mealtimes and weekend times off, and to make plans on the weekends and for vacations.” I’m also thinking about ways to stay in touch with my daughter now that she’s living

far away. I want her to look forward to getting texts, emails or calls from me, so I don’t want to get in the habit of sending nagging or nudging messages. I plan to text many wordless

photos of our dog, Barnaby, or to call when something funny happens in our neighborhood. It’s sad to say farewell to a happy period of life, but it’s also exciting to think about new

possibilities — even for small things. “Nowadays, my wife and I watch TV during dinner,” a friend confessed. “We were always strict about regular, tech-free family meals, but one day she

looked at me and said, ‘Now it’s just the two of us! What do we want?’ We realized that we want BritBox dinners.”